Apathy, laziness, and lack of motivation are wrapped up into lack of self-worth, sadness and depression. Normally, we say you’ve got to get yourself out of it or you just got to do something. That just gets back into the same unhealthy processes. What really helped me is to settle and allow myself to go inward with what I call “radical self-inquiry”. Going inside and asking yourself questions. Your mind needs to justify and validate itself. But why does it like to justify and validate itself? Anxiety is getting all of the answers solely from your mind.
Step 1: The first step is to question “When did this first start?” and “What was the trigger for it? Was it a breakup that made me feel a dormant feeling that I felt in my childhood like ‘You’re not worthy’ or ‘You’re not lovable’?”. Was it a loss of a job that wasn’t really fulfilling you in the first place and made you question your own life purpose?
All these things are really tough to go through and to look at. But going into this radical self-inquiry is quite a remarkable journey to take. It’s one that’s not really for everyone. You know there’s a lot of people that will stay in the apathy and that’s how they choose to be. I could completely see that maybe one life that I’ve lived, I just wanted to be apathetic and to be taken care of. I don’t want to dive into the world. Maybe, that’s possible. There’s no judgment around being apathetic or being lazy or having lack of motivation. I’m here in your enlightenment and we go through enlightenment all the time. Almost every day, I get some kind of light.
Step 2: The second step is to question “What does it mean, this apathy, this laziness, this lack of motivation?” “What’s in it? Where does it come from?” Consider that at the root of your apathy and lack of motivation is a deep disappointment with the world. This is something that I need to look at myself. Possibly, I’m upset with this around me. But then that takes you right back to yourself. Who is disappointed with whom? My mind has these thoughts of disappointment and apathy and laziness and that I should be doing something different and I should be feeling differently than I feel right now. That’s the problem right there. That there’s this false sense of identity. You may feel a deep disappointment and hopelessness as you seem to be. That’s the mind. That’s the thoughts and what you seem to be according to your mind. Think about what would life be like if you allowed yourself to be okay with the world as it is and focus on happiness. I’m not talking about looking at the world through rose-colored glasses and not really seeing it as it is. I’m just saying “Wow, it’s kind of messed up and there’s child abductions and murder and rape. I don’t agree with any of that and it really hits my heart. But, that’s the way it is right now and the best thing that I can do that has the greatest impact on the world, is to shift inside. Not to block everything out with some kind of spiritual bypass. Look at it and feel it and see if there’s any emotions in me that could be healed and integrated.
You don’t lack anything. Your egoic identity activates these programs from known conditions. You are the witness to these feelings. I’m the witness of the feelings that are coming up. I’m not the feelings. I’m not the thoughts about all these things. I am the witness to those feelings. I know it’s kind of a weird thing to look at for the first time. But you’ll get used to it. There’s a spiritual teacher named Mooji and he’s in this long line of spiritual teachers. Mooji says many spiritual and religious practices focus on uplifting the personal self. “You can do it!” Whereas self-inquiry quickly exposes the person as limited and false, so that further time is not wasted on continuing a ghost story. One’s attention can then rest joyfully and timelessly inside the natural hearts. I want to go back to one thing that he said “…quickly exposes the person as limited and false”. If you’re like me there’s a little bit of a twinge of “What do you mean I’m a limited person? I’m great and an amazing person!”. But what he’s referring to, I believe, is that any thought of yourself is false. There’s this identity of self that’s been developed over time through the condition of the world. It’s developed into this personality. Well, when you die that personality is going to slowly erode away and you’ll be left with yourself. What he’s saying is that it exposes this before your death. It exposes what and who you really are, beyond this idea of yourself. That idea of itself, although maybe very courageous and powerful and motivated, it’s still limited, because it’s limited to this egoic nature. What is perceived to be right and wrong and good and bad and all those different dualities.
I believe this is what he’s saying there in the makeup of our being. We move in masculine and feminine energy. There’s an imbalance in apathy and lack of motivation. An imbalance in the masculine and feminine energy. The masculine energy is that energy that moves forward, takes responsibility, fixes stuff, and creates things. Both men and women have these energies. The feminine energy is coming into ourselves and receiving. Sensual, creative, expressive energy. We’re a beautiful mix of all that. You could say that the lack of motivation is an imbalance in the masculine energy. It happens from being on our electronic devices too much. It happens from people telling us some negative things and that wears us down. Or, someone has told us how to do something that’s different from how we want to do it. If this keeps going, there’s a feeling of “I’m just tired of trying to do this”. But, it’s in that that there’s an opportunity.
When I lived in Santa Barbara, I started to think about getting my bus license. The idea was to run wine and beer tours. I studied and studied and still I failed. I studied more and I failed again. I didn’t even get to the driving test. I became frustrated and wondered what was wrong with me that I couldn’t pass a dang bus-driving test. But, then what if I did pass that test and followed that? Maybe I would have never made it here. I’m sure that I would have been a great tour bus driver and it would have been an awesome experience for me. Apparently, it wasn’t supposed to happen in the way that I thought it should.
These things that we can get apathetic and sad about, it may be that these episodes and events in your life that you wish were different…aren’t. And, it’s not supposed to be different. Because, they’re not. Give yourself a big, deep, breath on that.
Step 3: The Shift. Your opportunity for life-transformation. Not just making life a little bit better and making things go your way with that job promotion or a new car. This could be a real life-transformation from Phase 1, the blind, reactionary way of living, into Phase 2, which is conscious living, manifesting, and creating. This is Spiritual Awakening. Many times this can come on the heels of accidents, divorce, illness or death around you, or some other form of suffering and loss. Sometimes, there are thoughts of suicide, which can be the greatest catalyst. It doesn’t have to, but this is what may be required to “jolt the system”. Looking back at my life during this time of anguish and despair, it was exactly what I needed. I needed to stop thinking that I could fix or cope with all of it. I needed to stop the track that I was on and contemplating suicide was a reflection of how far I had gone…down to the bottom. “It is no measure of health to be successful in a profoundly-sick society.”